on cheeseburgers, snorkels and what the hell is some of this stuff???

when i made the decision to participate in the crusher’s 225 mile solo ride, i knew i was going to need some gear i didn’t have. it’s hard to be prepared for something the very first time you do it. you don’t want to over or under pack, you’re worried about unknown conditions in a new place and you know you’ll be alone for most of the journey. luckily, crusher’s organisers are a polite group of escaped mental inmates and they provided a check list.

my mind was really blown by the gear requirements list. let’s take a moment to go over the insanity, keeping in mind that this is in addition to the common sense things we all usually carry, you know, like a bike pump…

water carrying capacity: 3L
my camelbak carries 1.5L, but i have a plan to double my capacity with one of the other requirements.

rain jacket and cold weather layer
luckily, owayo is sending me more cycling clothes than i can shake a stick at so i’m covered here!

gps unit
i’m taking suggestions on this one. i’ve never had a gps before, so i’m not entirely sure what i would like.

calories at start: 3000
seems like it could be a lot, but don’t worry, i did the addition on this one. i need 10 mcdonald’s cheeseburgers. BANG! DONE! they are ultimately delicious, contain important sodium, can be bought on the way to the start line, ain’t too bad stale AND can be smashed for space if necessary. i challenge you to find a more perfect food. i will eat these and also use them as trade to other riders who might have more sensible food like clif bars.

srsly, imagine NOT being thrilled to have me ask to trade you a macco’s cheeseburger for some of that trail mix you brought! i know, you can’t. if you could you would be a crazy person.

cell phone (with camera requirement)
no problem, but i’m looking to coordinate my devices (lights, phone, gps) to all use the same cable and battery pack.

front light / headlamp, red blinky light
i have these items, but they are not rechargable, so i will need to get some that i can charge with my super smart one-charger-to-rule-them-all plan.

battery pack and cord for electronics charging
preferrably mini usb, like on my cell phone.

basic outdoor survival stuff: whistle, knife, lighter
i have all these things in spades. i do need to decide between a small hunting knife / utility blade, a folding camp saw or a 2ft long machete. i know carrying the machete might seem inconvenient, but i’ll be able to tape it to my top tube, since i’m taping my snorkel to my helmet (see below.)

basic bicycle survival stuff: cash money, 2 spare tubes, tyre levers, chain tool and master link, multitool / allen kit
i have these things along with all the other regulars that i carry on bike anyways, but i am considering replacing my multitool with the fancy crank bros one with the chain tool built in.

water filtration system
here’s my other 1.5L of water- i’ll start with my filter bottle full. of course, i still need to choose one because i’ve never bought anything like this before. your head would spin if you knew the sheer number of options. but i don’t want giardia. i think. no. i’m sure.

emergency blanket
for reasons unknown or forgotten, i actually have one of these in my toolbox. i guess i should probably say “thanks, dad,” because i can’t imagine who else would have given me one of these. i imagine it came with the comment “here’s a space blanket as a consolation prize, because you’re never going to go to space.”

first aid kit
i usually carry a few first aid items in my pockets on a long bikepacking trip, but i’ll need to upgrade to something with at least steri-strips in it.

snorkel
yeah, snorkel. when asked about where to procure said snorkel, crusher’s fb admins replied “dollar store,” so i can only imagine this is a joke. still, i do not want a dns on account of not having one so…

thanks to shez the cyclist for finding me this hello kitty snorkel, which i will duct tape to the side of my helmet. not sure what i will do with the goggles yet.

it’s a pretty extensive list. if you have any of these items laying around that you’d like to donate to the cause, feel free to contact me here in the comments or through any of my social media outlets. i’ll be happy to take them off your hands & give you a spot on the jersey- if you don’t have a logo or company you want to rep on the jersey, you are welcome to have a saying or a picture of your choice put on there.

SIDE NOTE: so far, no ohio natives have asked to have “F*ck Michigan” or “Ann Arbor is a Wh*re” printed on the jersey. this is frankly surprising to me, given the level of hate i usually get from you guys. stop slacking, ok? grab your old gear and be the first to sling a cross border insult on my kit.

so… i need… what? exactly?

yeah, i guess i should put a bullet list here. in the interest of keeping this blog orderly.

  • GPS
  • mini usb battery / charging system
  • mini usb rechargeable front lamp
  • mini usb rechargeable red blinky light
  • multitool with chain tool
  • fist aid kit
  • water filtration bottle with 1.5l capacity (or a pair with less capacity that are collapsable)

until next blog, i’ll see you savages on the trail.